ok, so maybe i lied.

maybe i *do* believe in something slightly resembling New Year's Resolutions. it could just be having a few days in a row off work -- makes me get all To Do List-y.

But last night as I lay sleepless in the guest room, thrashing and kicking the duvet into a large cone shape (per J), I couldn't get my mind off the things I feel I *must* do, not sure how, not sure when.

I just know Not Doing Them is going to drive me to an early grave, literally and otherwise.

RiseyP's Must Do List

1. Taper off the evil anti-depressant
   
2. Lower my cholesterol, hopefully enough to no longer require pharmaceutical assistance
   
3. Get back in shape so that I can once again enjoy the following activities:
   • Skiing
     
   • Swimming
     
   • Hiking
     
   • Tennis
     
   • Rollerblading
     
   • Basically, being seen in public ;-)
4. Get back on top of my finances by:
   • making a budget and sticking to it
     
   • bringing lunch to work 3-4 times a week
     
   • taking in a bit of freelance work
5. Practice yoga and meditation
   
6. See a dermatologist (or homeopath?) to address various minor, recurring skin issues
   
7. Take really good care of my teeth (which used to be my pride and joy!) by:
   • wearing my retainer every night
   • brushing with the SoniCare every day
   • using the various whitening products J regularly brings home
8. Take better care of my hands and nails

---

i wrote to my brother, and that made me feel better about the whole aftermath-of-him-not-visiting-us-for-the-holidays:

Sorry I didn't get to talk to you before you left for Korea. I was still upset about the Christmas thing, and I am no good at talking when I'm upset :(

But I wanted to thank you for replying via email and for your voicemail. I was impressed by your thoughtful, reflective reaction to the situation, and I really appreciated your sincere apology.

I think I got so upset about you not visiting for a couple of reasons: obviously, we all wanted to see you and were very disappointed at the late notice; moreover, I have felt really stressed out about having to help mom and dad out financially, what with my tendency to live above my means, not to mention the condo in Colorado which J and I bought as an investment property, just a month before dad let me know they were in danger of losing their house.

So, considering all that, the thought of having you in town for a while made me feel less like an overwhelmed "only child." As you can probably relate, it's very comforting to hang out with you, knowing what we went through as kids together, and how all the crap w/mom & dad continues to this day. And it's been especially rough for me, ever since they moved up here and so much closer to me geographically than they used to be (and I know you had to deal with this when you were all living in SoCal. sigh.)

Anyway, I finally was able to get up to Marin to see them today for the holidays. The delay was due to a bunch of obstacles that kept cropping up: their oven being broken, mom's knee being really out of whack, and my car getting broken into the other day (no biggie, just a small rear window smashed in but, luckily, nothing stolen).

For simplicity's sake, we just took them out to lunch at a restaurant near their house. It was good food but the visit was fairly rushed and non-relaxing -- mostly cause I just have a really hard time hanging out with them without wanting to strangle someone. i wish that wasn't the case, and I do try to work on it.

At any rate, I want to find out if you still want/need that digital camera I was going to give you for Xmas. If so, I'll gladly send it to you - just let me know your new address.