Just Go Shopping!

So... in response to yesterday's question:

What Am I Going To Do? (about being so chubby?)

Patriot that I am, I came up with the same answer that our President (or, as I like to call him, His Accidency) devised right after 9/11: Just Go Shopping!

To that end, I purchased the following items from a well-known low-price online retailer:

Next Avalon 26-inch Comfort Bike


Edge 250 Dual Piston Rower

Dare I recall all the other purchases I've made over the years in my quest to regain the lithe body of my misspent youth?

Here is but a sampling:

• One (1) TREK Mountain Bike (never a comfortable bike to ride, hence it's sat unused in my garage for 9 years)
  
• Two (2) pairs rollerblades (one well-used and eventually dumped, the other gathering dust in my hall closet)
  
• Countless mostly-unused gym memberships
  
• Four (4) Weight Watchers memberships
  
• Several exercise videos, most recently: Bellydance for Beginners
  
• Several books, including
  • Outsmarting the Female Fat Cell
    
  • Susan Powter's Stop the Insanity!
    
  • Dr. Atkins Diet Revolution
    
  • The South Beach Diet
    
  • Bill Phillips' Body for Life
    
  • The Macrobiotic Path to Total Health
  
  

But *this* time, I swear, it'll be different. ;-)

Live Fit or Die!*

This should be the state motto of California. I swear.

So yeah. Forget about "Eureka!"
That's so... I dunno, so 1849.

That's right folks. They found it. We found it. There are enough people here already and the gold is long, long gone.

Now all we're left with is low self esteem and body image "issues" (and I'm not just talking about us girls.)

To that point, enter moi. Almost 37 years young (ha!) and *very* depressed about the following developments:

• an ever-expanding array of waist, hip, bust and thigh measurements
  
• breathlessness after climbing a single flight of stairs
  
• inability to find pants in the "normal"-sized women's section
  
• repeated reminders/naggings from my boyfriend J
  
• two words: back fat
  
• more chins than I can count
  
• ...and much, much more!

My parents are both grossly overweight and have been ever since I can remember. My mother now has type 2 diabetes and walks with a cane. She isn't even 60 years old! I have freakishly high cholesterol and have been on SSRIs for almost 4 years. I have reasons to believe that these conditions come from a lifelong high-starch diet and 15 years of sedentary desk work as much from genetics.

Having overweight parents was a major liability for me, growing up in uber-image-conscious O.C., CA. But at least I didn't have to endure the torments of being a chubby kid. So, after a relatively carefree childhood (weight-wise), I finally followed in my parents' footsteps and started to put on weight during my mid-twenties. Ten years later, this problem is no longer new. Not a surprise.

But I still don't know why it's so #$@*&%# difficult to do something about it!

It's a matter of priorities, says K, and I have far too many competing distractions in my life. To name a few:

1. Tending to my romantic relationship, my cats and my plants
   
2. Sleeping and other bedroom activities
   
3. Eating, snacking, and other oral fixations
   
4. Entertainments such as the PSP, my scooter, shopping, knitting, blogging, reading, writing, watching movies...
   
5. Work
   
6. Non-physical self-improvement activities

And the list goes on and on.

So, given this highly-diversified and diverting list of interests, why do I constantly beat myself up for not having any interest in going on a hike or joining a gym? Is it because I live in a state that is so fixated on physical perfection? Is it because I live in a country that is getting fatter and fatter?

I don't know what to do.

*Adapted from the highly amusing and somewhat disturbing state motto of New Hampshire, "Live Free Or Die" -- geesh, alright already...

Scooting to Work!

Sooooooo exciting - Larry fixed my Mojito on Saturday and it sounds soooo lovely and quiet and is much more zippy now! I've driven it to work two days running now, and I'm ecstatic!! Even got meself a full-coverage helmet (mostly to get J off my case). I love being able to smell the spring grasses alongside the road right after I pass the SF dump. Ha ;-)

I rode all over town on Sunday, first to K's, then to Zeitgeist which was mercifully overcrowded with a line running out the door. If it wasn't the memory of me blowing out everyone's eardrums a couple Sundays ago, the knitting would get my ass kicked.

Speaking of which, I am finally persevering with an actual scarf, thanks to the very fluffy, forgiving yarn I bought at ImagiKnit.

K also pointed me to some online yarn porn, and I bought a few more cute skeins which I'm hoping will arrive later this week.

This is the project I hope to be good enough to embark on someday:

But first, must learn to bind off.

We've All Got Em...

1. YOUR PORN STAR NAME: (Name of first pet / Street you live on):
Socks Oak

2. YOUR MOVIE STAR NAME: (Name of your favorite snack food / Grandfather's first name):
Terra Stix Wendell

3. YOUR FASHION DESIGNER NAME: (First word you see on your left / Favorite restaurant):
Miracle Gary Danko

4. EXOTIC FOREIGNER ALIAS: (Favorite Spice / Last Foreign Vacation Spot):
Cilantro Amsterdam

5. SOCIALITE ALIAS: (Silliest Childhood Nickname / Town Where You First Partied):
Beffers Keele

6. "FLY GIRL/BOY" ALIAS (a la J. Lo): (First Initial / First Two or Three Letters of your Last Name):
M. Phi

7. ICON ALIAS: (Something Sweet Within Sight / Any Liquid in Your Kitchen):
Brownie Vinaigrette

8. DETECTIVE ALIAS: (Favorite Baby Animal / Where You Went to High School):
Kitten Esperanza

9. BARFLY ALIAS: (Last Snack Food You Ate / Your Favorite Alcoholic Drink):
Galaxy Gimlet

10. SOAP OPERA ALIAS: (Middle Name / Street Where You First Lived):
Elizabeth Telegraph

11. ROCK STAR ALIAS: (Favorite Candy / Last Name Of Favorite Musician):
Taffy Dorfmeister

12. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: ( First 2 letters of your first name and the first 3 Letters from your last name makes your first name. Take the first 2 letters of your mother's maiden name and the first 3 letters of the city you were born in):
Maphi Onpom

Mystery solved!

Warning: This is a highly embarrassing story about me and my cluelessness.

But at least now I know what was wrong with my scooter (aka The Angry Hornet).

So I went over to Lorenzo's place Monday night and was even more embarrassed than usual driving such a heinously LOUD yet relatively-teeny-tiny scooter (50cc for those in the know.)

It's like chatting on IM with some guy you really like, and typing with caps lock on for a really long time without knowing, and then finding out...

but much, MUCH worse.

Anyway, this was not helped one bit by the fact that I had driven this same scooter to Zeitgeist a week before, only to hear from my friend N the next day that everyone in the back barbecue area laughed their asses off as I drove away (because not only is the fucking thing LOUD as hell, but continues to be audible, and annoying, for miles and miles away...) SIGH!

So, anyway, I had to endure this extreme humiliation once again as I drove to Larry's for my diagnostic-checkup-slash-massage date. As I predicted, Larry was outside waiting for me because yes, you guessed it, he'd heard me coming. We rolled the scooter into his garage, and as he bent low to look underneath the exhaust, he said, "Aha. So do you want to know what the problem is?"

Gulp. "Okay."

"The uptake pipe is rusted through. You essentially have no muffler."

D'OH!!

But I have to say it's such a relief finally knowing what the problem is... It's just hard to stop beating myself up over the fact I had no idea where the exhaust was when I bought the scooter, nor did it ever occur to me to look *underneath* the exhaust once I found out where it was. People like me (clueless and impulsive) should NOT buy used vehicles on craigslist. M'kay??

But at least there is a plan in place. The shop in Livermore has shipped me one (1) lovely replacement exhaust which should get here by Friday. And on Saturday, Larry will replace it for me.

Best of all, I got to leave the scooter in his garage. Two reasons:

1. No humiliating ride back through the Mission
   
2. Instead, a ride on the (not loud at ALL) Ducati, baby!

Like I *Need* Another Hobby...

But alas, pretty yarn is so impossible to resist!

and

That's what I bought today at lunch. Got to take a little jaunt into the city to swing by a beautiful L.Y.S. (local yarn shop) (tm) called ImagiKnit. Then I headed across the street and enjoyed a wonderful lunch at the Samovar Tea Lounge.

But with my PSP and the new game J got me this weekend, plus my addiction to the games I already had...

Not to mention my renewed obsession with all things fishy! I found the most beauuuutiful book at the Kinokuniya Bookstore this weekend, called Kingyo: The Artistry of Japanese Goldfish. Now I want fishies again...

And we're talking about visiting Japan this autumn (or next Spring, at the latest). Since we were in Japantown this weekend for the Cherry Blossom Fesitval, we saw all sorts of great display-tables advertising various Japanese things, one of them being very affordable Japanese language lessons. So I have had thoughts about signing up...

Shoot me before I die of self-improvement-overload!!

Good Old Larry

He's my buddy.

I've been all distressed since I bought my Mojito off a guy on craigslist...

...because it sounds like an angry hornet.

I was convinced for the last few weeks that it was the custom Arrow exhaust making it so loud. Two so-called motorcycle know-it-alls told me that

increased torque/speed = noise

no matter what, nothing doing.

So I've been waiting for over a month for an affordable replacement part to arrive at the only Aprilia dealer in town.

Wait, wait, wait...

But then I spoke to the service guy at the dealer where the scooter was originally sold/upgraded, he said it might just be loose or broken. Too bad they're in B.F.E. (aka Livermore) :(

Well, this is where Larry comes in. Or, I should say, Lorenzo comes in. Lorenzo likes to say "Ciao, bella!" and give me rides on his Ducati. He's also a masseur-in-training and is molto generoso with the practice massages! He works for burritos and beer! :-)

So next Monday night, I got me a date with Lorenzo for a massage and a look-see at my baby Mojito to see if we can figure out what's going on with my exhaust. And I also found this cool link along the way!

Why did I wait so long???

The Wait Is Over

I got my PSP today - yayayayayayayayayay!!

So I am *so* bad... I'm flaking out on this to do this.

I'm such a geek :-)

I'm WAITING!

I ordered my new PlayStation Portable on Monday, and it's not due to arrive til next Tuesday!! *crys*

I hate this week. Not just cause I have to wait for the PSP, but also cause it's the first week of Daylight Savings and I'm TIRED!! zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Also, I am extremely annoyed with eBay because they suspended my account - someone hacked in and tried to sell a Mazda RX-8 using my account. Fuggers. It's been two-and-a-half days, I've jumped through all the hoops, and still I can't log in and bid, baby, bid! CRAP.

I've contemplated getting a new user ID but I don't wanna... I'm infected with some sort of uncurable eBay snobbery that prevents me from going back to the days of having a "(0) - I'm new!" next to my user ID.

Looking Up

I don't know why I'm always looking up these days.

I'm not short (though my bf is fairly tall), I'm depressed a lot of the time, it keeps fucking raining, I took a pay cut for my new job at which the benefits are alarmingly LAME, my auto insurance just went up again (this time up to $400 PER month!! Yes, you read it right...) and goddammit, Hannidate has been taken offline!! Now how am I going to find compassionate conservative divorced playmates who love the lord??

But check this out:
and

Even Kate Cries For No Reason At All

So this was at the bottom of some e-mail I got today (bold formatting mine)

---------------------- Yahoo! Groups Sponsor --------------------~-->
Ever feel sad or cry for no reason at all?
Depression. Narrated by Kate Hudson.
http://us.click.yahoo.com/Ntf6vA/esnJAA/d1hLAA/0NYolB/TM
--------------------------------------------------------------------~->

But at least J's company will cover my health benefits, so I can keep going to therapy, stay on the patch (Cats, Not Kids!) and continue the alarming cholesterol-lowering drug regimen I'm on!

Oh, to be a careworn 50-ish man swimming laps that don't seem to be reducing his man-tits... LIPITOR.

My new favorite web radio station

Brit Pop: Sour Times

A band list: Aphex Twin, Arab Strap, Syd Barrett, Shirley Bassey, Blur, Boards of Canada, Broadcast, The Cure, Depeche Mode, Elbow, Brian Eno, Gorillaz, Groove Armada, PJ Harvey, Even Johansen, Lamb, Leftfield, Massive Attack, Mogwai, Mr. Scruff, Orb, Beth Orton, The Pastels, Pink Floyd, Plaid, Portishead, Primal Scream, Pulp, Radiohead, Reindeer Section, Slowdive, Spiritualized, Starsailor, Tin Star, Travis, UNKLE, The Verve, Zero 7

Yay! I love the internets!

Form Rejection Letters

I didn't get in to Stanford. I don't like rejection.
But I liked K's way of cheering me up:

me: oh, btw me: I found out from Stanford that I was not accepted k: stanford is full of poopyheads me: heehee k: for the record me: unless I got in k: yes k: but me: haa k: my bro-in-law didn't get in me: i know, poopy k: and kelly from the a cappella group didn't get in me: oh she applied there, too? me: poopy cubed! k: yah

Oh, wait. Kelly from the a cappella group *got in* to the a cappella group.

I didn't.

Rejection's a bitch.